Author: @dm1n (Page 7 of 25)

The next day it was Leah´s turn to talk to Andrew.

“Leah, please sit.” Andrew welcomed her t Loki´s studio which had become his temporary office. “I´ve learned a lot about you this past days.”

“That doesn´t mean you know me Dr. Garner.” Leah replied feeling more than slightly annoyed by his familiar tone.

“Call me Andrew.” He suggested kindly, it was unlikely she would open up to him if she saw him as an authority figure.

“I´d rather not.” Leah refused sternly; instantly she felt a pang of regret. It wasn´t his fault, he was just doing his job; so she added. “I don´t know you that well … maybe later.”

“It seems fair to me. You look a little tense. Have you been in therapy before? You seem rather uncomfortable.” Andrew knew they were in for a rough start.

“This wasn´t exactly my idea, if you know what I mean.” Leah volunteered. “It seems everyone thinks I need help; either way I have nothing to lose.”

“So, you don´t think you need therapy?” Andrew asked her dryly.

“I just need to know how to stop the panic attacks.” She acknowledged. “That´s why they are so worried.”

“And you´re not?” Andrew questioned curious of her answer.

“No.” She answered quickly, it wasn´t true and she knew it; but it made her feel weak to acknowledge it in front of a stranger.

“Leah, this isn´t going to work if you lie to me.” Andrew scolded her kindly.

“How do you know that I’m lying?” Leah asked him, did it showed?

“It´s just a thing you learn to pick up when you have a job like mine.” Andrew volunteered.

“So you get lied a lot?” Leah asked curious.

“Yes, but this isn´t about me. As you said you´re friends are worried about you, Loki is worried about you; that´s why I am here.”

Leah pouted like a scolded child, he was right; she was doing it for Loki. She needed to behave and let Andrew help her.

“If I´m not mistaken Bruce already taught you some techniques to help you with the panic attacks; and even so you weren´t able to stop by yourself when the last one happened.” Andrew dryly told her.

“That doesn´t mean I´m crazy.” Leah growled upset.

“No one thinks that you´re crazy, that´s not why I am here.” Andrew volunteered. “I know Bruce explained you what a panic attack is, it doesn´t mean you are crazy although you might feel like you´re losing your mind. I´m here to help you find a way to cope with whatever is triggering the attacks.”

“I already know what´s triggering the attacks … I´m scared. Are you going to wave a magic wand and make it all go away now?” She bitterly spat at him; she couldn´t help herself, she was angry.

“If this could be solve by magic I´m sure Loki would´ve fix it by now.” Andrew dryly answered her, as Leah didn´t responded he continued. “I can´t make all your fears disappear, but I can teach you how to deal with them. As you grow more confident you´ll be able to stop the panic attacks.”

Leah kept pensive considering his words, wasn´t it worth the shot? Worst case scenario nothing changed, best case scenario the panic attacks would stop.

“All right.” She sighed defeated. “I have nothing to lose.”

Andrew smiled, he thought he was going to get a harder time convincing her to embrace the therapy. “Where do you want us to start?”

“I don´t know.” Leah admitted.

“How about we start at the beginning? I´ve read the police and the ER report from that day, and your friends have filled me in with the details they know.” Andrew volunteered.

Leah shrugged her shoulders as she frowned trying not to show how annoyed she felt. “There´s nothing to say. We went to have breakfast with my parents as we always did on Sundays. We didn´t change route, has any arguments or did anything different… and then he just hit us. I´m not hiding anything about it; if I don’t talk much about it is because after hitting my head against the window on impact everything went black until I woke up in the ER. Believe me there´s no hidden drama or anything to psychoanalyze there.”

“That´s the moment your life changed, you really mean to tell me you really have nothing to say? No anger, no guilty feelings, just nothing? I find that hard to believe.” Andrew told her calmly.

“It´s hard to be angry at the dead Doctor, you can´t fight with them, you can´t argue with them.” Leah volunteered. “And I know by now I won´t get any answers about surviving, at least not the one´s I want.”

Andrew pondered puzzled at her last remark, he knew she was hiding something even if she was trying hard to dismiss it. “All right, how about surviving the second time?”

Leah shrugged her shoulders while she changed her position on the couch, sitting straight made her feel vulnerable, so she leaned to a side while she bent one of her knees up; Andrew noticed her change in demeanour, it was sort of an intermediate posture between a foetal position and sitting straight, she was trying to protect herself from something.

“I got my answers even if they weren´t the one’s I wanted.” She finally told him.

“Loki saving you on account of Thor… that must have been disheartening.” Andrew suggested.

“It was.” Leah agreed. “But it makes sense; he didn’t knew me.”

“Nevertheless you must have felt lucky he did.” Andrew pressed the matter.

“Lucky?” Leah laughed wryly. “At least that´s better than everything happens for a reason.”

“That bothers you, why?” Andrew asked intrigued, he seemed to have found the source of her discomfort.

“People don´t realise what that means.” Leah bitterly told him.

“And what does it mean Leah?” Andrew asked while leaning towards her interested on her answer.

“I think you can figure it out by yourself.” Leah answered irritated. “I don´t want to talk about this anymore.” She leaned back crossing her arms as she looked away.

“Leah, I know this is hard; but you need to talk about what´s bothering you. It might not be even linked to the panic attacks but this kind of things tend to fester. If you don´t face it now it will only get harder later.”

Leah grunted angrily, she knew he was right. “If everything happens for a reason; that means there is a reason my son is dead, that my parents are dead and that Martin is dead. I don´t want to accept that …” She suddenly stopped.

“You think you are the reason they are dead?” Andrew asked her, it wasn´t uncommon on sole survivors to feel that way.

“I´m not …” Leah raised her voice; she thought she had convinced herself about that but there was always a pinch of doubt on her mind.

“Leah, survivor´s guilt is very common, there´s nothing to be ashamed of.” Andrew tried to comfort her, she wouldn´t be able to handle it unless she admitted it first.

“That´s what you would think so.” Leah grunted annoyed.

“Do you feel ashamed?” Andrew asked her kindly.

“Try not to when you´re surrounded by superheroes and gods. The look on their faces when they get a glimpse of how broken I really feel …“Leah shut up suddenly, she had nearly told him.

“I don´t think any of them expects you to be all right after all you been through, not even Thor or Loki.” Andrew tried to reassure her, as if it wasn´t bad enough she felt guilty about not meeting their standards.

“I know, that´s what they say; but they´re eyes told me differently.” She bitterly acknowledged.

“What do you mean?” Andrew asked her while considering her answer.

“There´s pity on their eyes when they look at me, too much of it. I can´t stand it and they don´t even know…” Leah shut up immediately, she had never meant to say the last part out loud.

“They don´t know what….?” Andrew asked her concerned by her reaction.

“Nothing. Just forget I said anything.” She brushed him off trying to dismiss it.

“Leah, you wouldn´t had said anything if you didn´t wanted me to know, at least on a subconscious level you want to talk about it.” Andrew told her, she was screaming for help even if she refused to say it out loud.

“No, really it´s nothing. I shouldn´t had said anything.” She could feel her heart beating faster; she refused to think about it. It was just her imagination saying stupid things, wasn´t it? It had never been her intention.

Andrew could see the conflict written on her face, cautiously he reached for her hand as he told her. “Leah, I promise anything you say to me will never leave this walls.”

“Not even for your report?” Leah asked with teary eyes, could she trust him?

Andrew smiled kindly. “Not even for my report.”

“Are you sure?” Leah asked again.

“You´re not a SHIELD operative, my report doesn´t need to be specific.” He suggested. “You are my patient now, my main concern is to help you. Please let me do my job.”

“Loki can never know about this … nor the others.” Leah pleaded.

“I won´t betray your trust.” Andrew promised her.

Leah sighed, why did she ever said anything? It was too late now to take it back, and maybe telling someone would make her good. “It was just something stupid, it must have been the alcohol; I never meant to go through with it, at least I don´t think so. I just felt so numb, I wanted to wake up.”

“Leah, what did you do?” Andrew was afraid all her rambling was taking them to one direction only.

“People think it´s easy, you see it at the movies … and it just seems easy. You don´t know …not until … it takes more something other than courage to go through with it.” Leah kept rambling, she didn´t wanted to accept it. “I tried, but I couldn´t even …I wasn´t strong, I wasn´t weak… I was angry. That´s what stopped me; I couldn´t let him win, if I had he would´ve won, he would´ve killed us all. All I wanted was the pain to be gone.” She looked at him looking desperately for absolution.

Andrew sighed upset, all her rambling made sense under one perspective. “Pills?”

“No, pills would´ve been painless. I didn´t deserved painless.” Leah bitterly acknowledged. “Am I not a drama queen? All that fuzz and not even hesitation marks to show for it.” She laughed hysterically, within seconds her laugh had turned into tears. “I´m … poison.” She suddenly added. “Why did I thought I deserved a second chance?”

Somehow everything was connected, but how? He had to start pulling the thread carefully to see what it would reveal.

“Why wouldn´t you deserve a second chance?” He questioned her calmly.

Leak looked at him horrified, whatever her answer was she wouldn´t give it up easily. “I’m poison.” She repeated as if explained it all.

“No, you´re not. Why you keep saying that?” Andrew questioned her.

“Everyone arounds me dies.” She suddenly spat as thick tears ran through her cheeks.

“Loki isn´t dead Leah, nor Eerika or any of the Avengers. What happened to your family was an accident; a horrible accident but it wasn´t your fault. Nor it´s your fault you were the only survivor.”

“You don´t know that.” Leah spat bitterly.

“Why would it be your fault?” Andrew asked her, it made no sense going through the branches at that point.

Leah looked at him pained, she had an answer but she didn´t wanted to give it. She only nodded her head negatively.

“Leah, I know it hurts but you can´t keep hiding it.” Andrew told her, she felt guilty about something which lead her to believe she would be punished, it must be the source of her fear he thought.

“I shouldn´t have kissed him…” She said in a whisper.

“Loki? Why not?” He asked while frowning, she had to be referring to the first time they kissed.

“I … betrayed him.” She answered while looking away.

“Martin?” He asked her, it would make sense.

Leah couldn´t answer and only nodded her head affirmatively. “We were together since … always and it took me nothing to betray him.”

“Leah, he died, you didn´t betrayed him.” Andrew told her sternly.

“I know.” She yelled while crying. “He would say the same, he would never reproach me. But I know … in my heart I know I did.”

“Leah, there isn´t such a thing as a manual about this sort of things, there aren´t rules, any stipulated times you have to keep. There isn´t something as a designated mourning time. Sometimes love comes back our way even if you´re not ready for it.” Andrew explained her “And if we´re lucky enough we might just let it in.”

“Again with the lucky part…”Leah bitterly snap back.

When it appeared she was opening up she kept trying to shut off again, he couldn´t let her. “Why did you kissed him?”

“Why does it matter?” Leah raised her voice again.

“Because you don´t want to tell me.” Andrew answered calmly.

“I don’t know I was drunk and alone, he´s handsome, what does it matter?” Leah spat angered.

“Stop lying to me, you know that´s not the reason.” Andrew scolded her “Do you want to get better or not?”

Leah looked at him baffled, she did wanted to get better, why did it had to be so hard? “Yes.” She bitterly acknowledged, she was trapped.

“Then tell me, why did you kissed Loki that first time?” Andrew asked again, he hoped she would answer this time.

“Because … because I was a fool wishing, hoping for something I thought it was there.” Leah yelled at him. “And I got lucky…” She laughed hysterically covering her mouth, it only took a moment for her to break up again; she raised her hand to cover her eyes as she cried.

Andrew let her cry for a while before asking “What were you hoping for?”

“For him to rescue me again, to save me form the pain like he did in that split second when he looked into my eyes …” Leah confessed.

Suddenly it made sense. “Leah, did you fell in love with Loki then?”

Leah looked at him horrified. “Who do you take me for? A moody schoolgirl who falls in love with the first guy she sees? My husband had just died!”

“Leah, it´s not your fault. We can´t rule our heart.” Andrew tried to explain her.

“No, I don´t want to hear it. It wasn´t my fault, it wasn´t my fault.” Leah covered her ears as she clenched her eyes rocking herself while repeating that it wasn´t her fault as if by saying it enough times she could make it true.

Andrew knew it was a decisive moment and rushed to her side, he raised his voice as he tried to remove Leah´s hands from her ears. “Falling in love doesn´t make it your fault.”

“Yes, it does.” Leah shrieked heartbroken. “I´m the reason, what else could it be? I´m the reason they´re dead.” She wailed in pain, she had agreed with everyone about it not being her fault, even with Martin on her dream because she didn´t wanted to accept the truth that weight heavily on her heart, but now she couldn´t deny it.

“No, Leah, no, you can’t think that.” Andrew sternly told her trying to meet her eyes. “I understand now why you are so afraid; you think that because you fell in love with Loki that same day you´re the reason everyone died, that it is your fault. That you will be punished because of that, and what could be worse than losing Loki and Eerika?”

“I deserve it …” Leah sniffled, there was no point on hiding her feelings now.

“No, that´s not true.” Andrew told her, he understood now why Clint felt so irritated when she put herself down.

“It is …” Leah stubbornly claimed.

“Leah, you could´ve meet Loki months afterwards and you probably would feel the same way. Surviving means you have to go on living. And love is a part of life, you just happened to found it in an unexpected moment. That doesn´t mean every one died for that moment to happen, maybe what it really means is that it happened because you needed it to.” Leah had stopped crying and was listening to him attentively, it seemed he was finally starting to reach her. “You already told me you had suicide thoughts at some point, what stopped you from trying again?”

“I had to find him. When I didn´t go through with it for a moment I thought about quitting but I already had sold the house, all our belongings, there was no one waiting for me.” Leah softly acknowledged. “I knew that instant that hunting for him was the only thing that was keeping me sane. I feared finding him as much as not being able to do so because I didn´t knew what would I do next. But I didn´t let that stop me, I didn´t let anyone stop me.”

“What do you mean anyone?” Andrew frowned, what else was she hiding?

“You don´t think I managed to find him just out of luck, do you? I had more than one rough encounter with the wrong people, I learned the bad way but I learned fast.” Leah confessed between ashamed and proud, she had mixed feeling about all the things she had done to find Loki.

Andrew made a mental note about asking her further about that later. There was another matter on his mind, one less stressful.

“Leah, do you mind if I ask you something?” He asked her politely.

“You are seriously asking me that at this point Andrew?” She raised her eyebrows a little amused by his polite question.

He smiled, it seemed she had decided to accept him on her inner circle. “It doesn´t hurt to be polite sometimes.”

“As you wish, what could you possibly want to know that everyone else couldn´t tell you?” She wryly asked him.

“You know they did because they care about you? They never wanted to betray your trust; they genuinely want to help you.” He volunteered.

“I know, try having your life under the microscope from now and then. It´s not that fun.” She admitted.

“Probably not, either way; I know now you fell in love with Loki right away but you didn´t saw him again until several months later. “ What would the best way to ask this, he pondered. “I think you know Thor was interested in you all that time, he even offered you to recognize your child as his and take you to Asgard.”

“I knew, he´s not very good at hiding his feelings.” Leah admitted. “I never wanted to mislead him. And I know what everyone thought, that I should´ve chosen him instead of waiting for Loki.”

“Why didn´t you?” Andrew asked, fixing their relationship wasn´t on his job description, but with Loki gone in the mission it would help them if they could somehow be more comfortable around each other.

“Because …” She stopped for a moment choosing the right words. “When he looks at me, sometimes he isn´t, he sees right through me, I can see in his eyes how broken I am. When Loki looked at me …. I didn´t saw that, somehow he looked at something inside me I couldn´t even fathom, something better, or at least he used to…” Leah sadly ended

“Leah, he´s just worried about you. And … he feels guilty.” Andrew confessed.

“Guilty?” Leah asked surprised. “About what?”

“He thinks that if he hadn´t felt in love with you; you might be safe.” Andrew volunteered.

“Now you know how far away from the truth that is.” Leah bitterly admitted.

“What do you mean?” Andrew frowned while realising the meaning of her words. “You mean you …?”

“Yes.” Leah interrupted him. “Sooner or later I would´ve tried again. I had nothing.”

“And now?” Andrew asked her preoccupied.

“Now I got too much to lose … again.” Leah sorrowful admitted. “Whatever happens I need to get better for them, or I will lose them one way or another. Will you help me Andrew?”

“In any way I can.” He asseverated, it was going to be a very hard week for both of them.

As Andrew Garner arrived to the mansion he set up a schedule to talk to all of the Avengers; he wanted their input about Leah before talking to her. He had read her file and watched SHIELD´s footage of her fight with Doom; but that didn´t told him much about her.

“So, how would you describe Leah in one word?” Was his first question.

“Passionate.” Loki volunteered after much self-debate.

“Stubborn.” Clint answered without much thought.

“Brave.” Was Steve’s answer.

“Complicated.” Bruce suggested

“Beautiful.” Thor told him without much thought.

“Determined.” Natasha volunteered, she had considered her answer for a good while.

“Had you talked to her about her panic attack?” Was the next question.

“Not exactly.” Loki admitted. “I´ve been more concerned with how to avoid it from happening again.”

“Do you think it was your fault?” Andrew asked next.

“She wouldn´t had snapped if I hadn’t gone to Fury.” Loki acknowledged.

“You shouldn´t blame yourself; for what I read you only precipitate things, it really was just a matter of time. She should´ve got counselling since her family died. She can´t take refuge on alcohol as before; she has a new family now; it forces her to face her fears, she´s simply unprepared for that.” Andrew explained sympathetically.

“And even so, she picked up a fight with Fury yesterday.” Loki bitterly admitted.

“I know, Fury told me about that. Have you talked with her about it?”

“Not yet, Bruce had already scolded her earlier and … in her words Fury has a very mean swing. Fortunately her healing factor took care of that. I mean to talk to her after this.” Loki answered sternly.

“Don´t be so hard on her. Fury provoked her on purpose.” Andrew volunteered.

“What? Why would he do that?” Loki asked bewildered.

“Tell me, did she had a chance to vent her anger after her incident with Doom?”

“There was an incident with a punching bag and we kind of fight a lot, but probably not, why?” Loki realised, she had just bottled all that anger down.

“Fury noticed that, he thought she might need to … get it out of her system.” Andrew revealed. “It´s not an appropriate course of action by my standards, but I´d have to admit that sometimes it can be very effective. My methods are less … controversial”

“And you will help her?” Loki asked in hope.

“I will do my best.” Andrew offered sincerely.

“Actually we did, she asked how I overcome the incident with the terrorists.” Tony told him; he´d much rather not discuss the matter at all but Leah´s welfare might depend on the smallest detail.

“And what did you told her?” Andrew asked interested.

“The truth, that I took on the role of super-hero so I wouldn´t have to think too much about it, or go through something like that again.” Tony volunteered before adding. “But I might have an idea of what´s she´s really scared off, and why …”

Andrew listened attentively as Tony told him about everything that happened that didn´t appeared on SHIELD´s tapes as well as his talks with Leah.

“I see.” Andrew acknowledged. “Things are more complicated that what I thought initially.”

“You have no idea.” Tony answered in a tone between irony and concern.

“At first we did.” Clint volunteered. “To say the truth we mostly talk about Eerika and my kids now.”

“Right, how are they?” Andrew asked politely.

“Getting bigger as always.” Clint answered with a half-smile, he missed them. “She had a hard time at first, she didn´t felt fit to be a mother; I’m glad she gave herself a chance. I was beginning to worry she wouldn´t; now I think Eerika is who´s keeping her together most of the time.”

“Not more than necessary.” Bruce confessed. “Neither of us is very good at that sort of thing, unless … she´s having a panic attack, or an existential crisis or …” Bruce stop at the middle of his sentence and smiled while realising that his previous statement wasn´t quite truth. “On second thought, we do seem to talk a lot …” Then he proceeded to retell Andrew of all the times he and Leah had talked.

“Yes, we´ve talked about it, only girls on the team. There are lots of things that the guys’ wouldn´t understand.” Natasha volunteered.

“Like what?” Andrew asked very interested in her answer.

“You already know what kind of things I mean Andrew, are you going to play coy on me now?” Natasha smirked.

“I might have an idea, but it would be better if you told me.” He volunteered with a half-smile; it wasn´t the first time they had met.

Natasha sighed annoyed before telling him. “Like how even the slightest touch can make you feel violated, and how you try to convince yourself that you are just overreacting, that nothing happened. But somehow your brain doesn´t seem to register it.” She answered sternly.

“That bad, huh?” Andrew questioned her.

“That bad.” Natasha replied. “And also we talk a lot about Loki, do you already know how they met?”

“I read the file but I have the feeling you can fill me in better.” Andrew acknowledged.

“Yes, even when we were still at the Tower we talked about it.” Steve told Andrew. “She felt guilty for not killing Doom when she had the chance.”

“What did you told her.” Andrew asked as he leaned interested on his answer.

“That sometimes it takes more courage to spare a life than to take one.” Steve volunteered.

“Are you close Steve?” Andrew suddenly asked.

“I guess so, I was the only one who understood what she went through when her abilities appeared …. And I kind of feel responsible for her.”

“You know that if she didn´t had your abilities she might not survived, right?” Andrew questioned him.

“I know.” Steve agreed. “You know I was the one who found her when she nearly had a miscarriage. I´ve been in combat and I don´t think I ever felt more scared for someone ever before. Your body just betraying you like that, how do you even fight it?” Steve confessed while remembering the events that happened that day.

“No, I can´t say we have.” Thor volunteered.

“What do you talk about then?” Andrew asked trying to make sense of Thor´s previous answer.

“We actually don´t talk much.” Thor confessed.

“Why is that?” Andres asked intrigued.

“I … we kind of fell apart. I´m not even sure on who´s account.” Thor told Andrew.

“Do you still love her?” Andrew asked him cautiously.

“How do you know? Is that obvious?” Thor asked concerned.

“You defined her as beautiful, I’m afraid that´s very obvious.” Andrew volunteered.

Thor smiled sadly as he bit his lips. “I should have chosen another word. But that was my first thought.”

“Does she knows?” Andrew asked concerned.

“Probably.” Thor volunteered. “I don´t think she would keep her distance otherwise.”

“Why do you think she does that?” Andrew asked interested.

“She doesn’t wants to hurt me.” Thor suggested. “Nor damage my relationship with Loki.”

“Does he know?” Andrew asked even more interested.

“He´s always been the smart one.” Thor volunteered. “I would say it is likely he does.”

“Have you talked with her about this?” Andrew asked trying to figure out the dynamics of this love triangle.

“No, she choose him. There´s nothing else to talk about. I promised I would help her to keep her child safe and that´s a promise I intend to keep. Both her and my brother have suffered a lot, I’m glad they found happiness.”

“Are they really happy Thor?”

“Probably not that much right now, but you should´ve seen the way they looked at each other when Loki was our prisoner. Or how crushed Loki was when he thought she had died. If that´s not love I don´t know what it is.”

“What do you think will help her get better?” Was Andrew’s final question.

“I sincerely don´t know. Even If I sat this mission out I sense that it wouldn´t make her … problems disappear. She needs security probably, but we would be lying if we promised she´ll be safe indefinitely. Maybe her confidence back, I really don´t know.” Loki confessed, if he knew he would´ve already provided it. “She´s lost so much and she´s so afraid of losing me is baffling.”

“How so?” Andrew asked intrigued by Loki´s comment.

Loki frowned pondering his words before answering. “This is the first time anyone has … needed me so openly. I´m not used to that.”

“I see.” Andrew acknowledged.

“You´re really asking the wrong person.” Tony wryly told him. “Technology comes easy to me, people … not so much.”

“That´s weird, for what I’ve heard you have taken the role of an older brother regarding Leah. I would assume that you would have an opinion about it.” Andrew volunteered.

“That kind of just happened, she´s fun to be with and …”Tony admitted.

“She has the same kind of wry humor you have.” Andrew ended his sentence for him.

“Yes.” Tony smiled remembering something. “There´s that.”

“Back to my question, what do you think might help her?” Andrew questioned Tony again.

“To get some control back.” Tony volunteered, that´s what would´ve bother him if he were on her place.

“What would help her?” Steve asked himself out loud. “I´m not sure, you might think you have everything figured out and the world just changes on you on an instant.”

“Like it happened to you.” Andrew suggested.

“Getting caught in a block of ice for 70 years doesn´t happen every day fortunately. “ Steve acknowledged. “But yes, she already had her life changing forever in an instant, she knows there are no guarantees.”

“Then what do you think is bothering her if she already knows that?” Andrew questioned Steve.

“That she feels unprepared for facing any more changes. I don´t blame her, at least everything changed for me in a blink of an eye; she have had to face changes on almost weakly bases for over seven months now. She must be exhausted.”

“So, you think she needs stability?” Andrew suggested.

“I know it sounds contradictory after what I said, but… yes I do.” Steve agreed.

“If I said some peace and quiet would it sound like a cliché?” Clint jokingly suggested.

Andrew just gave him a disapproving look.

“All right. Can´t you take a joke? You´re so serious Andrew.” Clint complained.

“You know this is a serious matter Clint.” Andrew told him with a stern look.

“I know, but I think it is your job to figure that out, not mine.” Clint volunteered.

“It is but you all have been around her for months, you know her; I don´t. I need all the input I can get; you know I can´t get that from a file or some tapes.” Andrew told him. “And the clock is ticking, making a breakpoint before Loki´s departure is essential.”

“I guessed that much, this is Fury´s idea to appease Loki´s mind and make him to concentrate on the mission, right?” Clint inquired as Andrew nodded affirmatively.

“Does she knows that?” Clint asked again.

“Yes, she does. According to Fury she called herself a liability.” Andrew volunteered.

“I wished she stopped doing that.” Clint spat angered.

“Putting herself down, you mean?” Andrew suggested.

“Yes, I know she doesn´t have our background or experience but for a housewife she had done it extraordinary well. It makes me so angry she can´t see that.” Clint buffed. “Only Loki and I know this but the first day after doom´s intrusion we had an argument … I kind of slapped her.”

“You did what? Why?” Andrew asked surprised.

“Basically she suggested Loki and eerika would be better off without her.” Clint confessed.

“Dis she ever tried to hurt herself?” Andrew asked concerned.

“No, she didn´t, at least not intentionally.” Clint retold andrew the whole incident so he wouldn´t get the wrong idea.

“How did Loki reacted to that?” Andrew asked intrigued.

“They got into a very bad argument …” Clint told Andrew everything Loki had told him about the incident that ended with Leah getting her memories back.

“That was a lucky turn of events.” Andrew suggested.

“You have no idea. I thought she was getting better after that until Tony came in with news from SHIELD. Everything went south again after that.” Clint confessed annoyed. “She´s brave but she has barely recovered from one blow when another comes. No one can withstand that pace.” Clint ended.

“Well Andrew, I know for a fact that she’s not waiting for the white picket fence, nor she expects his prince to be charming all the time.” Natasha volunteered. “She knows what comes with the territory, though she´s not as all right with it as she thinks. If you really want to know I think she needs a break from al this madness her life has become. She should be concerned with changing diapers and sleepless nights not with under covered missions.”

“Seems you have given this quite some thought Natasha.” Andrew suggested.

“I hate unsolved problems, you know that Andrew. Besides she´s my friend I want her to be happy.”

“This really isn´t my area of expertise you know that right?” Bruce answered Andrew´s question.

“Make a guess.” Andrew suggested.

“Loki and Eerika safe and sound would be my guess; she´s scared of losing them as she lost her first child and husband.” Bruce volunteered.

“You know that´s not very realistic?” Andrew questioned him.

“Yes, situations change even if we don´t want them to do so.” Bruce bitterly added.

“Are you thinking of herself or you Bruce?” Andrew asked.

“Maybe both, we are very similar in some aspects. We both tend to self-neglect on behalf of others, and we hate to be a burden, we simply refuse to be even if we´re hurting.” Bruce explained Andrew.

“Those are not very healthy ways to handle things.” Andrew scolded Bruce.

“I know; sometimes you have to keep your mind occupied with something, if it´s pain sometimes it doesn’t even matter as long as you don´t break down. I can´t afford that to happen, you know? In a way she´s help me realise many attitudes I tend to do that aren´t … the best course of action.” Bruce added shrugging his shoulders.

“Have you told her that? Andrew asked.

“Not directly, maybe I should´ve.” Bruce suggested.

“Yes, I think that would be a great idea. It might help her if she understands where your advices are coming from.” Andrew agreed.

“So … Thor, you still haven´t given mem your answer.” Andrew interrupted Thor´s thoughts.

“I really don´t know what to say.” Thor confessed. “Besides the obvious I´m not sure what could help her get better.”

“Let´s start with the obvious, shall we?” Andrew suggested.

“Loki and Eerika safe.” Thor volunteered.

“Yes, but you can´t really assure her that nothing will happen to them. She need to get better even with that uncertainty.” Andrew told Thor.

“None of this would´ve happened if I had noticed her on the bridge that day.” Thor spat angered at himself.

“Do you think she would´ve fall in love with you if you had saved her instead of Loki?” Andrew asked interested in his answer.

“How dare you suggest such thing? I never said anything like that!” Thor snapped annoyed.

“I never said you did Thor, I just wondered if you ever thought about that. I apologise if I have offended you. But it would help me to know your thoughts about it.” Andrew quickly apologised, he had obviously stroked a nerve.

“I didn´t meant anything like that, I just wished she was safe even if it meant she wouldn´t be here.” Thor confessed.

“For what I been told if she hadn´t started her quest to find Loki to provide her with some answers … there´s no telling what she would´ve done. She was left alone Thor, everyone in her family death. The chase gave her a purpose, maybe even saved her life.” Andrew explained calmly.

“She wants what?” Fury exclaimed surprised, he´d never though Leah would want to meet with him, after all she seemed genuinely scared of him the last time he saw her.

“She wants you to debrief her in person.” Loki told him again. “She claims she won´t accept the deal otherwise.”

“I´m not sure this is a good idea, but if it will speed things up I’ll talk to her.” Fury agreed reluctantly.

After Loki had arrived with fury at the Mansion he set him up in his studio and went looking for Leah. He found her training with Natasha and Clint; Bruce had told them exercise would be good for her even if she wasn´t totally recuperated.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Clint asked Loki preoccupied while Natasha and Leah finished their sparring session.

“I sincerely don´t know. Either way, what´s the worst that could happen?” Loki tried to dismiss his concerns.

“I´m not even sure what to answer to that.” Clint admitted.

As they walked to the meeting Leah suddenly spoke. “Loki?”

“Have you changed your mind?” He asked in hope.

“No, I just want to ask you something.” Leah volunteered. “I don´t mean to do things worse than they are, but if something happens … promise me you´ll stay out of it.”

“What do you mean if something happens? Leah, what are you planning to do?” Loki asked worried, he knew her too well.

“Really, I promise I´m not planning anything … I just … I´m really not, believe me … I don´t know if I can trust myself.” Leah admitted, she had too many mixed feelings about the meeting.

“Call it off then, I´m sure fury won´t mind.” Loki suggested hoping she would accept.

“No, I don´t want to … I just … I can´t forget he just stood there and watch while …” She looked visibly upset. “I really don´t want to make things worse, just promise me … whatever happens you´ll stay out of it. I need to do this, I can´t be afraid of him forever.”

Loki was looking at her with a worried frown; he kept trying to convince her to cancel the meeting but he hadn´t been at all successful.

Leah sensed his reticence and pleaded once more. “Please Loki, promise me. Do you really want me to beg? Cause …I will.” Leah looked at him sternly, if he intervened at the first sign of trouble she might not get a chance to talk to fury again, and she needed to; nothing else mattered, not even her pride.

“No.” Loki nodded negatively, he knew how much she hated to beg. “Don´t do that, I promise.” He agreed reticently; if it was that important to her maybe he should let her do it.

When Loki arrived with Leah to the study Fury was already browsing through Loki´s library. “Interesting collection you have here.” He told them without turning around as they arrived.

“I like to think so.” Loki replied. “Should we start? I´m sure you have other things to do.”

“Certainly.” Fury agreed as he sat in the couch.

Before Loki could sit Leah told him as calmly as she could. “I want to talk to Fury alone, ´please.”

“What?! Why?” Loki asked her bewildered, he knew she was up to something, that´s why she had make him promise, he could just break that promise, but the look of desperation on her eyes made him refrain from doing so.

“Just … please Loki. I promise I´ll behave.” She pleaded while praying for him to keep his promise.

“It´s fine by me.” Fury volunteered.

Loki wanted nothing else but to protest, but even if he did that wouldn´t change her mind. The whole purpose of the meeting was to get her the right kind of help, he would have to play her game for the time being. “I´ll be right outside.” He reluctantly told them as he left the room.

“So ..” Fury started as soon as Loki had closed the door behind him.

“So …” Leah replied. “First things first, what kind of mission did you got Loki into?”

After Fury had ended explaining her the mission, the ramifications, the possible outcomes and the politics involved Leah asked him totally surprised. “And you wanted me to take a part of that? You really must be desperate … I´m a housewife for crying out loud, not even a soldier; much less a superhero. I do understand why you can´t call the Avengers, but … I really don´t know how could you even considered me for the team.” Leah volunteered.

“You remind me of Steve you know? Not only because of your shared super soldier abilities, but other aspects. If things had worked out differently I´m sure you would´ve been a fine addition to SHIELD.” He told her.

Leah let out a sarcastic laugh. “You really don´t know what kind of tree you´re barking to. I´d have ended up getting everyone killed.” For a split second she looked pained by her own statement; Fury noticed her discomfort and made a mental note about telling Andrew about it. “Believe me it´s better for everyone I’m not fit to go.”

“I guess we´ll never know now.” Fury added. “Now, what´s next on your agenda?

“Why the mandatory psychological examination? Are you still trying to recruit me?” she dryly asked.

“No, although it would be fortunate if you reconsidered your position regarding SHIELD. The real reason I´m doing it is because Loki is too worried you and that´s distracting him form the mission. We can´t afford a single mistake.” He confessed.

“Then I’m a liability that needs to be fix.” Leah spat annoyed.

“Yes, you are.” Fury agreed. She was smart, he liked that. It was a shame she wouldn´t be joining them.

“All right then; I’ll do it for Loki. But this doesn´t mean I´m going to change my mind about SHIELD … ever.” She agreed reluctantly.

“Why not?” Fury asked, he wanted to know exactly what her position was.

Leah´s expression turned to a grim one. “You let Doom …” She couldn´t even end her phrase she was too angry.

“I let Doom do what?” Fury taunted her, he felt curious of hr reaction.

“You know it all too well, I know you were watching.” She felt enraged, both of her hands had clenched up in fists.

“So…?” Fury asked as if it hadn´t meant a thing.

“You would´ve let us die, wouldn´t you?” Leah growled between her teeth.

Fury was taken back by her question, did she really though they would do that? “No.” He answered.

“And I´m supposed to believe you? If it wasn´t for Loki I´d be in Latveria right now.” She could feel her blood boiling up.

Fury grunted displeased “No, I know you have no reason to believe me but we had already organized a rescue party to get you off Doom´s claws when Loki appeared. We wouldn´t had let you die, nor Loki or your child; you are too valuable.”

Leah laughed bitterly “Valuable? So if we weren´t you would´ve let us die!”

“No, you are twisting my words, I never said that.” Fury defended himself irritated.

“You didn´t had to.” Leah spat at him, she hated the fact that Loki had to work with them on her account, it was always her fault.

“I did what I had to in order to protect millions of people; and yes, if in the end that means I have to sacrifice a few I will; but that doesn´t mean I don´t care.” He tried to explain her.

“So, now I’m expendable? Will you make up your mind?” Leah kept pushing fury´s buttons, she made him personally responsible for all her pain.

“Maybe now that you have proven how weak you really are.” Fury spat at her, he understood where all her anger came from, for the looks of it she had only pushed all that murderous rage down; he decided to push her back even if it wasn´t the best idea to piss her off it might just help her wake up from her slumber.

“I … am … not … weak!” Leah finally snapped enraged as she threw a blow against Fury who blocked it away easily; he had been expecting it.

Leah was furious at her own failure and attacked fury again and again with determination while Fury solely defended himself; soon it became obvious she had improved since the last time he had seen her fight as her blows became increasingly difficult to stop. Suddenly one of her blows finally succeeded, she had managed to connect a punch against Fury´s face who smirked at her as he cleaned the blood that ran through his mouth. “Maybe you are not as weak as I thought.”

Before Leah noticed he threw a punch back as he uttered. “But you still need more training.” He stroke Leah easily; accidently as she tried to block her fall she knocked over one of loki´s glass cases that crashed on impact.

The sound of shattering glass alerted Loki who rushed in to a strange scene; Leah was leaning against the table where the glass case had been only minutes before, she was breathing laboriously and had a red mark on one of her cheeks. Fury was standing a few meters form her and still had some blood flowing from his mouth.

“What in Helheim is going on in here?” He spat bewildered.

“We´re just working our differences.” Fury volunteered slightly amused by the turn of events.

“If you get him killed I will kill you.” Leah growled at him; she didn´t cared Loki had walked in.

“If he´s dead I´ll probably be death too.” Fury growled back.

“Good.” Leah spat. “I still have one condition for accepting your deal.” Loki was going to hate her for doing it but she saw no other option. “Loki, will you please step out for a moment?”

“I don´t think so.” Loki snapped back, they would probably get at each other throats the second he did.

“You promised …” Leah growled at him with a furious glare on her eyes. “If you want me to accept Fury´s deal you will leave us.”

“But …” Loki started to protest when Fury interrupted him.

”We´re done fighting Loki, isn´t that right Leah?”

“Yes … we have. For the moment at least. “Leah acknowledged.

“All right, I´ll be right outside.” Loki growled displeased, he would have words with her afterwards.

The moment Loki locked the door again Fury asked. “What do you want?”

“I want you to make arrangements in case Loki is captured. You will provide me with a team; your best team. And you will grant me full authority over the matter. I won´t let him be abandoned by you.” She demanded sternly. Was she crazy? Perhaps …. But she wouldn´t let him to rot away in a god forsaken prison. She wouldn´t forsake Eerika either; but if it came to that she would see him rescued even if she couldn´t do it herself.

Fury grunted displeased as he considered her request; if everything failed she might be the only one driven enough to get Loki rescued and probably himself. “Agreed.” He finally told her before asking “What if he dies?”

Leah smiled evilly “See it this way, you won´t be alive to worry about that.”

“Would you tell the Avengers? “ He worryingly inquired.

“No if I can help it. “ She smirked. “But know this if he dies I will find a way to obliterate Narobia from the map, with SHIELD´s help or without it, so I suggest you grant me full resources cause I’ll accomplish that mission one way or the other.” She didn´t even knew where that had come from, but she knew in her heart that if Loki died she would deliver on her word.

“Then I guess I´d better make sure we succeed without any incidents.” Fury volunteered; she might not even have half a plan, or the necessary training; but he believed her, one way or the other she would find the way to make it happen.

As Loki dropped fury on the Hellicarrier he dryly asked. “What did she wanted?”

“She must be taking after you because she included my silence on the deal.” Fury wryly told him. “But I will tell you this much that woman would set the world on fire for you.”

“What´s that supposed to mean?” Loki asked concerned.

“That you shouldn´t worry about her.” Fury added with a smirk. “With Andrew´s help she´ll be back on her feet in no time.”

As Loki rushed back to scold Leah for her fight with Fury amongst things he found her in their room holding a cold compress against her wounded cheek with a sorrow look on her face. For a moment he forgot his anger as he sat beside her worryingly. “Does it hurt?”

“Who would´ve though Fury had such a mean hook?” Leah answered back pouting; when Loki kindly removed the compress from her face to have a look she winced.

“Did Bruce take a look at you?” He asked firmly.

“Yes …” Leah confessed. “And he already scold the living hell out of me if that´s what you´re going to do.” She looked defeated.

He looked at her compassionately; she did look miserable. “Not today, I think you´ve been punished enough for one day.” He embraced her. “But you´re not getting of that stunt of yours so easily.”

“I know.” She bitterly admitted.

“You are late!” Fury greeted Loki as he appeared in his office.

“I was … delayed.” Loki told him in response.

“Leah?” Fury asked not even trying to hide his concern.

“Yes.” Loki dryly answered.

“How bad is she?” Fury asked again with a frown.

“I don´t know. She had a very bad panic attack according to Bruce; she seems better now but I thought the same the day before.” Loki bitterly admitted; why was he telling Fury that?

“You know we have specialists to handle this sort of situations; if you want …” Fury suddenly offered.

“Send someone to help her?” Loki interrupted him. “Not sure Leah would accept that; I´m not even sure I agree with that. It´s just that Brice seems to think she needs help´.” Loki ended still debating with himself; she was trying, but would it be enough? “Besides, I have something else to ask you first.”

“She wants to know about the mission.” Fury guessed.

“Yes.” Loki nodded in agreement.

“I´ll tell you what; I´ll make another deal with you, she can know about the mission if she agrees to keep the secret and … and here´s the big; if she agrees to see a psychiatrists.” Fury offered.

“Why the sudden interest in her welfare?” Loki replied angered. “If you cared you should´ve rescued her from Doom.”

“It´s not her welfare I’m interested about now, but yours.” Fury just dismissed his previous comment, following that line would lead them nowhere. “I need you focused and I don´t see that happening if you´re too busy worrying over her. There´s a psychiatrist who I think would be the best person to help her, he has dealt with sensitive cases before. He´s not a SHIELD´s employee but he does contract work for us from time to time.”

Loki listened attentively before asking. “If he´s not from SHIELD how can I know he can be trusted?”

“Would you rather I sent a SHIELD´s psychiatrist?” Fury questioned him amused by his reticent to accept.

“Probably not.” Loki admitted; if they were going to go to the mission together he needed to start trusting Fury, their lives might depend on it. ”Do you trust him?”

“Yes I do; he was married to one of my top agents, he´s been cleared by us and he knows the drill.” Fury volunteered.

“Really? To who?” Loki felt curious, the idea of SHIELD´s agents having families still puzzled him.

“Melinda May.” Fury told him.

“The Cavalry?” Loki asked surprised.

“Never call her that.” Fury advised him with a stern look.

“Why not? I thought it was meant as a compliment.” Loki questioned intrigued.

“It was; but she hates it. Anyway, do we have a deal?” Fury hoped he would agree; he needed Loki´s mind on the mission.

“I´ll tell her; if she agrees you´ll have a deal.” Loki responded.

“Seems fair. Now these are the locations of your team members.” He tossed Loki a file over the table.

Loki browsed through the report; as he memorized the locations he said to Fury. “They will want to know how much ae you willing to pay.”

“More than enough.” Fury replied. “Although Sandman might be willing to accept another kind of deal.”

“What do you mean?” Loki asked intrigued.

“In a way he´s not that different from you, he wants to keep his family safe; but he can´t do that if he can´t be with them. If he hesitates offer him a pardon.” Sandman seemed to have an act for being in the wrong place at the wrong time; from al the sinister six he was the least dangerous. That didn´t meant he wouldn´t keep an eye on him anyway; old habits are hard to break.

When Loki returned Leah was again half asleep in their bed, she seemed to shut down whenever he left. As she noticed him climbing on their bed she drowsily motioned him to her side, she ached for his presence as a sunflower aches for the sun.

“You are back.” She smiled weakly.

“Yes, I am.” Loki answered as he cradled her into his embrace. Was it his imagination? She seemed lighter. “Did you had dinner?” He asked suddenly concerned she had skipped a meal again.

“I wasn´t hungry.” She pouted; how did he knew? “It´s only dinner.” She added trying to dismiss it.

“I don´t want you to stop eating, you are breastfeeding you need all your strength.” Loki scolded her softly.

“I know.” Leah sadly admitted. “” I just …” She sighed. “How am I supposed to eat when I just don´t feel like it?” she had tried, she even joined everyone for dinner but she had just ended up playing with her food.

“Why don´t you feel like it?” Loki inquired worryingly.

“I … I don´t know. I just don´t.” Leah replied upset by her own answer; she just couldn´t see to be able, she sighed again as she cuddled against Loki. She wanted to sleep, to shut off everything, she felt too tired.

“But Leah, you know you shouldn´t …” Loki stopped in the middle of his sentence as he noticed Leah had already fallen asleep. He grunted displeased, he would offer her fury´s deal in the morning; and he hoped she would accept it.

Leah awoken early in the morning startled by a nightmare, she sat holding herself tight trying to calm her own heartbeat.

Loki noticed her sudden movement and sleepily sat too as he asked. “Nightmare?”

“Uh-hu.” Leah agreed nodding her head affirmatively.

Loki opened his arms. “Come here.” Leah accepted his offer gladly, she closed her eyes as she leaned on him; the warmth of his body was so comforting, she felt cold.

Loki noticed her shivering and rubbed her back gently “Are you cold?” I though your nightmares had stopped.”

“Yes, and they did. This one was different.” She confessed.

“Different how?” Loki asked intrigued.

“It wasn’t about Doom or the crash.” She volunteered. “I was with Eerika, we were alone. I was walking amongst some ruins, I think like in a warzone. There wasn´t anyone around, only sand and debrief. No signs of life except for us. I walked for what seemed hours, nothing … I couldn´t find anyone; then I heard some kind of animal stalking us. I ran but there was nowhere to hide; I fell and then … it caught us.” Leah cringed at the memory.

“It was only a dream, it can´t hurt you.” Loki tried to comfort her.

“It felt so real.” Leah told him. “I was so scared.”

“I know, I´ll never let you alone; Thor and the others all have promised to take care of you and Eerika while I return. You won´t be alone. I want you to feel safe again, that´s why I´m doing it.”

“I wished there was another way.” Leah acknowledged.

“There isn´t … I talked to fury.” Loki told her calmly.

“What did he said?” Leah answered anxiously.

“He says you can know about the mission if, first you promise not to tell anyone about it and secondly you have to go through SHIELD´s mandatory psychological examination and should you need it therapy.”

“What?! Why? I´m not crazy!” Leah exclaimed defensively.

“No one thinks you are, Fury just wants to make sure you aren´t a security risk. If you don’t want to …” Loki shrugged his shoulders as if he was dismissing the thought.

“No, wait! I´ll do it.” Leah volunteered. “But I have a condition of my own. I want Fury to debrief me, and he´ll do it before I take the examination.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Loki inquired nervously, he hadn´t expected that.

“I have my reasons.” Leah sternly told him.

“I don´t think he´ll agree Leah. Besides I can debrief you about the mission.” Loki suggested.

“No!” Leah nodded her head negatively. “I want to talk to him.”

“Leah, don´t be stubborn. You don’t need to talk to him!” Loki tried to convince her again.

“No, if he doesn´t want to talk to me he can shove his deal …” Leah was abruptly interrupted by Loki kissing her fervently. He laughed heartily at her puzzled expression.

“I never thought I would be so happy about you being so stubborn.” It was the first sign he had seen of her being herself.

“Why would you…?” Leah still didn’t get the source of his amusement; she wanted to talk to Fury and that was all.

“Never mind.” Loki told her. “I´ll talk to Fury.”

When Loki awoke the next morning Leah was still asleep at his side, he looked at her worryingly; he didn´t knew how to help her. Bruce had laid a lot on his mind, even if he followed his advices he felt it wouldn´t be enough. If only Tony had let him watch the security footage; he might have a better idea of how to help her but … it might be another way. He was quite sure Leah wouldn´t agree willingly but she was asleep now and it was a rather simple spell. He adjusted himself in a way he could touch both her temples with his hands, next he closed his eyes as he muttered some ancient words while concentrating on the memories he wanted to retrieve. Suddenly a torrent of images flooded his mind, the hardest part was isolating the myriad of emotions that were connected to them; he felt in an instant all the fear, impotence and anger that Leah had felt. As he moved closer to the moment when Doom had tried to drag her to his aircraft Leah began to stir on her dream anxiously. Loki cut the connection abruptly wary of her noticing what he had done.

He leaned back on the bed pensively, how could he help her? Tony had been right; Doom had been extremely vicious with her. How could he ever make her feel safe after that? He now regretted going to Fury but he couldn´t undo it furthermore he´d probably do it again if he had the chance. Being cut off the entire world made Leah more vulnerable, the Avengers and he had been her safety net and sadly they had all failed her when it mattered.

Maybe if he … no he couldn´t but … if there weren´t any other solution? He just couldn´t allow her to keep falling into an empty void less swirl of despair, it hurt too much to see her like that.

After an hour or so Leah finally woke up, as she lazily opened her eyes Loki turned to look at her.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

“Stupid” She answered with a sigh, she had meant to say crazy but she didn´t wanted to say it out loud.

Loki frowned before telling her. “You aren´t stupid, don´t say that. It was my fault, I should´ve waited until you felt better.”

“And when will that be?” Leah asked in hope he could give her an answer, even a lie would be better than uncertainty.

“I … don´t know.” Loki confessed.

Leah turned her head to the window disappointed before asking. “When do you leave?”

“In a week.” Loki unwillingly answered.

Leah sighed again, seven days; that was all, she didn´t wanted to waste time arguing any more. “I lied.” She suddenly told him.

“About what?” Loki inquired preoccupied.

“About not caring.” Leah turned to look at him, her eyes shined with withheld tears. “I don´t want to fight anymore. What´s done is done. I want what we had back even if it´s just for a week.”

“It will be for more than a week, when I get back we´ll have a lifetime ahead of us.” Loki said trying to cheer her up.

“A lifetime …” She replied pensively, if only …

“Leah, please I don’t want you to worry. I wish I could make you see that there´s no need for that.” He meant it.

“I wish you could.” Leah agreed, she knew he was powerful but not knowing what SHIELD mission was about frightened her.

She felt heavy, sore but even so she laboriously sat up. “I´d better feed Eerika.”

“Let me help you.” Loki offered. “I´ll bring her to you. Bruce told me you might feel … drained.”

“I do.” Leah confessed. “Thank you.” She gave him a small smile.

Loki smiled her back, he was about to walk out when he suddenly got back and kissed her softly but deeply, a sweet loving kiss to which Leah responded in earnest, she had missed him so much.

They both smiled sadly to each other, Loki leaned his forehead into hers. “We´ll figure this out, I promise. Just … please don´t give up. I need you, Eerika needs you, do it for us please. Not even death would prevent me from coming back to you as long as you don’t give up.”

Leah looked at him shaken, she tried to hold her tears in vain. “I´m sorry … I´ll try … It´s just too hard … I don´t want you to go, if there were another way.”

“If there were another way I wouldn´t do it, but I´m afraid there isn´t one.” Loki volunteered as he comforted her cleaning her tears with his hands. “I´m here for you now, I´m sorry we drifted apart. I … I´m not even sure why, it all seems unimportant now.”

“We´re just too stubborn.” Leah dryly told him, they had always been; it had help them stay together but this time their stubbornness had drawn them apart.

After they had breakfast Loki left Leah with tony while he went to talk to Thor, he had something important to ask him.

“How did you do it?” Leah suddenly asked tony.

“Do what?” Tony asked her back while distractedly reviewing the communication center planes he had laid over the table.

“Get better, to stop being afraid. You know … after the terrorists, how did you do it?” Leah asked again anxiously.

“Who said I did?” Tony replied turning his attention to her. “I turned into a super-hero and started blowing up bad guys as soon as I could. He shrugged his shoulders, he had got himself busy to stop thinking about it.

“I don´t think I´m up for that.” Leah acknowledged. “But either way that´s what I mean, you didn´t had a meltdown ….”

“Come on! You didn´t …” tony started to protest when Leah gave him a disapproving look. “…well, maybe a little.”

“Try a lot.” Leah suggested. “How do I stop it from happening again? I couldn’t stop myself last time; it was just as if I was stuck on a thought and everything else faded away.” She leaned down over the dinner table until she snuggled herself over it. She still felt exhausted, the smallest effort tired her.

“I wish I knew what to tell you, I keep myself busy to avoid thinking about that sort of things. What are you really afraid of?” He asked her.

“I´m not even sure now, first I thought I was afraid of Doom, then of dying, losing Loki, losing Eerika. Maybe everything.” Leah sighed defeated.

“I don´t think so, I think you are scared of something in particular. You know Loki is a lot more powerful with his magic back, don´t you?” Tony asked trying to pinpoint exactly what was bothering her.

“But what if he lost it again?” Leah asked anguished.

“That´s what you are afraid of?” Tony asked her realizing that it had been that fact the whole reason she had got into the fight against Doom; the fear of Loki being helpless and alone while in his cell had drove her to risk everything. “Besides Thor´s shackles I doubt there´s something on Earth that could bind his powers again.” He tried to reassure her.

“Are you sure?” Leah asked doubtfully. “What if you are wrong? What if …”

Tony interrupted her. “Leah, just stop. You can keep thinking that way, you are only hurting yourself.” Tony walked to her side and sat on the chair beside her, as he placed his hand on her back he told her. “The battle ended Leah, you don´t need to protect him anymore. It´s over.”

She look up at him as she confessed. “I know, but I just don´t know how to turn it off. I keep expecting something bad to happen. I can´t shake the nagging feeling I should be prepared for the moment it finally does … I don´t know how you all do it. It´s just too exhausting.” Leah sighed as she rested her forehead in her hands before adding. “There will always be another mission and all I can do is to stay here whishing it´s not the last.”

Tony realized that moment that between other reasons that could´ve been the thought that had drove Pepper away. The soldier’s wife wasn´t an enviable position, always waiting for that dreaded knock on the door that would deliver the news that would end her world.

“I´m afraid that comes with the territory. Maybe you should revaluate if this life is really what you want; even if Thor and Loki decided one day to return to Asgard there will always be other battles to fight. It´s their way, you know that.” Tony suggested frankly, if she didn´t wanted that life there was no case on her suffering more than necessary.

Leah kept pensive, he was right; she had fallen in love with not only a god but a warrior. She couldn´t just expect him to forsake everything and stay at home, what was she thinking? “I wouldn´t know how to go on without him.” She acknowledged.

“Then you need to figure out how to live with him, battles and all.” Tony finally told her jokingly, if she was decided there really wasn´t anything else to do.

“You say it as it was easy.” Leah wryly complained; but she knew he was right she´d better find a way to come at peace with everything.

“Love, Loki may be many things, but I don´t think easy is one of them.” He told her teasingly as he patted her shoulder.

Loki finally found Thor in one of the training rooms. “Brother” He approached him uncertain of how to break to him the matter that had brought him there.

“Yes brother?” Thor answered lightly before noticing Loki´s troubled look. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes, no, I don´t know … could we go somewhere else to talk?” Loki didn´t wanted anyone else to walk on them.

“Of course, but what´s troubling you?” Thor inquired again worried something had happened.

“Walk with me and I´ll tell you as soon as we get to my studio.” Loki offered.

As they arrived to the studio Loki locked the door behind them, now they could talk without anyone interrupting them.

“Thor … I used a spell on Leah, a memory sharing spell and … I´m not sure she will be able to overcome … all that´s worrying her.” Loki confessed nervously.

“A memory sharing spell? How did you even convince her to do so?” Thor asked surprised, he wouldn´t has thought Leah would agree to something like that.

“I didn´t asked her.” Loki told him with a guilty look. “I casted the spell while she was asleep, she doesn´t know I know.”

“Loki, why would you do something like that without her permission? You know it´s not …” Thor began to scold the younger god.

“What? Polite? Right? By Odin’s beard Thor you sound like mother more every day! I don´t care about being polite, I just want to help her. Don´t you remember last night?!” Loki asked him aggravated by Thor´s scolding.

“I do remember last night, and I know it´s hard but you just can´t do whatever you want. You can´t keep going behind her back, she trusts you. What will happen when she finds out?” Thor snapped back.

“She doesn´t have to find out, as a matter of fact she doesn´t even need to remember.” Loki spat furiously at him.

“Loki … you wouldn´t!” Thor answered shocked.

“Why not? It would be easier for her. I just can´t stand there and do nothing. “Loki told him frustrated; why was he asking for Thor´s permission? Why did it felt wrong? It was thr right thing to do, wasn´t it?

“Brother …” Thor toned his voice down, yelling at Loki wasn´t helping. “You can´t do it, at least not without her permission. She will eventually realize she has missing days, didn´t you told me it had been bad enough when she only had missed a couple of hours? If I recall correctly she wouldn´t stop trying to remember what happened in that missing period. She´s stronger than you think, just give her time. She´ll get through this as she always has.”

“I don´t know Thor. When I met her she was drowning in guilt, pain and alcohol and even then I never saw her that bad, not like last night. I´m leaving in a week, how can I leave knowing something like that could happen again? Maybe if she didn’t remembered doom she wouldn´t be so scared.” Loki reasoned.

“I don´t think Doom is what she´s scared of.” Thor volunteered.

“Is that so? Then tell me that if he hadn´t invaded the Tower in an attempt to kidnap her and Eerika she wouldn´t be so scared of me leaving on a mission.” Loki insisted.

“I don´t know Loki, but I do know that you will only end up hurting her if you do the deleting memories spell without her consent.” Thor told him with certainty. “You keep saying she´s too smart for her own good, she will figure it out, and then what? It´s not your place to make a decision like that for her, she might not forgive you. And what makes you think that deleting her memories will just set her right? You could be just be fucking her even more. Please Loki don´t do it.” Thor pleaded, he knew he wouldn´t be able to stop him if he decided to go through with it. “Just talk to her first, let her decide.”

Loki was pacing nervously while weighting Thor´s words. “What if she says no?” He asked anxiously.

“Then it would be her choice, and you will need to respect it.” Thor advised.

“But, what if it´s the wrong one?” Loki asked again. “What if something bad happened to her while I´m gone?”

“We won´t let anything bad happen to her … I won´t let anything happen to her brother, I promise.” Thor tried to reassure him, he had planned to tag alone on Loki´s mission at the last moment, but he understood now he was needed at Leah´s side even if it was just for Loki´s comfort.

“I don´t know … maybe I could talk to her, ask her what she wants, but if she gets any worse … I´m not sure what I´ll do.” Loki confessed.

After Leah had fed and lulled Eerika asleep in the afternoon Loki took her for a walk in the interior garden.

“This is nice.” Leah suddenly told him. “I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like we were on a date.”

“Well, we never really dated, so I guess you could call it a date if you want.” Loki smiled relieved to see her in such a better mood.

“I think I might” Leah jokingly answered. “What´s the occasion?”

“Do I have to have a reason to take you out for a walk?” Loki asked her being caught off guard.

His answer made Leah wary, it might not be just a casual walk after all. “No, and I might be wrong, but I do think you have a reason for this walk, am I right?”

“As a matter of fact …” Loki said scratching his nape nervously. “I want to ask you something…”

“All right.” Leah answered a bit nervous, what could he possibly wanted to ask her?

“If I offered you a chance to forget everything that happened since doom invaded the Tower until today, would you take it?” Loki told her while watching attentively for her reaction.

“What do you mean? How?” Leah asked puzzled while frowning deeply, she had never expected him to ask such a thing.

“There´s a spell I could use, it´s called a Deleting Memories spell. You wouldn´t remember anything I might even make you some new memories to replace the old ones.” Loki volunteered in hope she would accept.

“I … I … no, I don´t think so.” Leah answered bedazzled by his proposition as she shook her head negatively.

“Why not?” Loki asked trying not to sound angry.

“Because they wouldn´t be the truth” Leah quickly answered. “I thank you for offering, but I can´t.”

“Leah, why not? You wouldn´t be so scared any more, I would be able to leave feeling confident you were all right.” Loki volunteered.

Leah sighed as she tried to explain herself better. “I know I´ve been more a mess than usual.”

“That´s an understatement.” Loki interrupted her.

Leah ignored his comment and kept talking. “If you delete my memories of the last week you wouldn´t be only taking away the bad ones but the good ones too. And Loki … I really need the good ones; even if Doom hadn´t appeared and SHIELD hadn´t been after me I am … was … am still broken …”

“You aren´t broken.” Loki complained adamantly.

“You don’t need to lie to me about that, I know. There was too much I hadn’t faced, too much fear, too much pain, loss; even if nothing had happened those feelings would still be there. I know it doesn´t seems that way, I´m no near all right, but I´m trying, please let me try.” Leah pleaded, she was troubled she couldn´t denied it, but there were moments, especially when she was with Eerika where she felt that she might just pull through. “Help me get through this, not just erase it.”

Loki looked at her pensively, as he stared into her pleading bright blue eyes he realized he couldn´t deny her. It wouldn´t be right, she was in pain, she was struggling but she had just started to fight back, he couldn´t take that away from her.

Loki sighed as he embraced her while gently kissing her forehead before telling her. “I´m here for you; I just hope this is the right decision.”

“Me too.” Leah volunteered. “Loki, can you tell me about your mission?”

Loki stared at her surprised by her request.

“I just think I wouldn´t feel so scared if I knew what were you doing and where.” She shrugged her shoulders doubtfully.

“It´s not my decision, but I´ll ask Fury if I can debrief you. All right?” Loki offered.

“All right.” Leah accepted.

“Now, should we continue our walk my lady?” Loki courteously offered his arm to Leah as he made a small bow.

Leah blushed instantly taken aback by his sudden chivalry and shyly accepted his offer. “Yes my Lord.”

“My Lord?” Loki almost busted laughing.

“I don´t know what else to call you” Leah pouted ashamed. “I’m not royalty you know? This is too weird for me.”

“Then I guess I´ll just have to teach you in case you meet your parents-in law someday.” Loki teased her.

“Oh dear!” Leah looked slightly frightened of the prospect.

Thor and Loki returned to the Mansion reappearing in Loki´s study where he could restore his energy using the gems. They had a small talk before heading back, Thor didn´t liked the idea of Loki going on an undercover mission by himself but he had agreed to let him g on behalf of Leah´s wellbeing.

Loki was worried about Leah´s reaction once he told her about the deal he had stroke with fury; maybe he should´ve waited for her to get better before going to SHIELD, but he didn´t. It was dinner time already so they headed back to the dining room, they were all there except for Leah.

Loki asked Steve worryingly “Where´s Leah? Why isn´t she here?”

Steve stood up and took Loki out of the dining room. “She refused to join us, she claimed she wasn´t hungry; she feed and put Eerika to sleep before locking herself in your room. I´m afraid she´s still upset about your fight earlier; I tried talking to her but she just keeps acting as if you weren´t coming back. You really need to talk to her.”

“I´m not sure that talking to her will help.” Loki wryly admitted. “I stroke a deal with Fury … I will do an undercover mission for him in exchange for Leah´s freedom.”

Steve sighed displeased as he slightly nodded his head negatively. “When do you leave?” He finally asked him with a worried frown.

“In a week but I´ll be reporting to Fury on almost daily bases.” Loki lied to Steve, he needed to have a pretext for going out of the Mansion to convince the Sinister Six to join the mission.

Steve sighed displeased again as he placed a hand over Loki´s shoulder he told him. “Then I guess you should make every moment count; go to her I´m sure she´ll be glad to see you.” Then gave him a gentle push towards his room.

“I hope so.” Loki sighed worried as he walk down the hall, she had already been through so much, and now … he would have to put her through some more.

When he walked into his room after magically unlocking the door he found Leah half asleep curled up over the bed; she still had her clothes on and was tightly hugging his pillow in a desperate attempt to find some comfort on its familiar scent. She had been crying, the redness on her half closed eyes gave her away. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn´t even noticed Loki until he leaned next to her in order to look into her eyes. “Leah? You missed dinner …” He told her in a sweet loving tone. Leah looked up at him, for a second it didn´t seem she recognized him, her empty stare made Loki´s heart cringe.

“Loki? Loki!” She jumped up and embraced him tight. “I thought you weren´t coming back.” She confessed while new tears rolled out of her eyes.

“Don´t be silly! I will always come back to you.” He returned her embrace, he could feel her heart beating fast. “I´m sorry about earlier, I shouldn´t have snapped at you like that; I regret telling you that you were an arrogant child that …”

“No, you were right. I shouldn´t had tried to tell you what to do.” She interrupted him, her voice broke when she added. “It´s not my place.”

“What did you just said?” Loki asked her bewildered.

“It´s not my place.” Leah repeated shyly. “There’s no reason for you to listen to me.” She ended while bowing her head down.

Loki looked at her surprised; Thor had been right about one thing, but it wasn´t her heart that had broken, it was her spirit. She just had gave up, she had never done so before. It only made Loki feel even guiltier about what he had to say to her.

“No, Leah, that´s not true. I value your opinion, it´s just that sometimes …” He paused for a moment trying to find the right words when she interrupted him again.

“It´s doesn´t matter.” She dryly told him.

“But it does matter.” Loki spat upset.

“If you say so.” Leah weakly acknowledged, she didn´t saw the point any more, in her heart everything seem lost, even with Loki at her side she felt as she had already lost him.

“Leah, please. You are making this harder than it needs to be.” Loki tried to restrain his anger and hide it; he couldn´t decide if he was angrier at her for giving up or at him for putting her in that place.

“You talked to Fury….” Was her response, her worst fears were coming true, she could just feel it.

“Yes, I did.” Loki admitted, he would have to tell her sooner or later. “We made a deal”

“What sort of deal?” Leah asked him anxiously, if only she could stop shaking she wouldn´t feel so weak.

“I´ll do a mission for him and then he´ll drop all the charges against you, he´ll even provide protection for Eerika and yourself should we ever need it.” Loki informed her as he watched attentively her reactions; she had started shaking again, maybe he should´ve lied to her.

Leah closed her eyes trying to pull herself together as she opened them back she asked. “What kind of mission? Her eyes were overfilled with tears.

“Leah, please don´t cry. It´s just a mission I will be all right. You have nothing to worry about.” He lied to her, what else could he do?

“Is Thor going with you?” she asked next as if she hadn´t heard him at all.

“No, I´ll be going alone.” Loki bit his lower lip as he told her.

“Alone?” Leah looked up at him while she held her own hands trying to stop them from shaking. “Alone, why?” She asked again, her tears were running freely now.

“It´s an undercover mission, I have to do it alone.” Loki kept trying to reassure her. “I´ll be all right, you have nothing to worry about.”

The more Loki told Leah she had nothing to worry about the more Leah worried, she could feel her stomach becoming upset with nausea. She had tried to still her crying but she just couldn´t any more, he wasn´t going to come back, he was going to die and it was her fault. “Why did you do it?” She reproached him between cries.

“For you.” Loki confessed. “I can´t let you sacrifice everything. I can´t just stand by and watch you wither away.”

“Why not?” Leah whined. “We would´ve been together and alive, and now …” She couldn´t end her phrase she was crying to hard.

“Leah, stop it! You are overreacting! I´m not death, I´m not going to die. Everything is all right, you need to calm down.” Loki yelled at her upset, he just didn´t seem to be reaching her.

“Everything is all right?” Leah repeated in a hysterical laughter. Was she going crazy then? Was her mind so broken she couldn´t see that? Who would take care of Eerika then? With Loki gone and herself two steps from insanity. In that overwhelming instant the nausea she had been repressing became stronger; she fought the urge to vomit for a moment, but it was useless. She suddenly ran to the bathroom barely getting there on time to spill the meager contents of her stomach into the toilet. Loki had followed her the instant she sprang of the bed and looked at her both surprised and worried as she threw up.

“By the norns Leah! Are you all right?” He asked her as he knelt by her side trying to help her get her hair out of the way.

“Don´t touch me!” Leah snapped at him as she kept crying desperately.

“Leah, please! Let me take you to Bruce, he might be able to help you.” He tried to help her up.

Leah fought his attempt to pick her up with furious strength only to drop herself seconds later next to the toilet crying uncontrollably.

Loki looked at her with despair, she needed help but she wouldn´t allow him to touch her. He could try to force her but he was afraid she might hurt herself struggling against him. He couldn´t leave her alone to get help either. Teleporting her in that state might be dangerous; he just hoped there was still someone in the dining room, she didn’t had time for him to look for them all over the Mansion. With a frustrated grunt he closed his eyes as he chanted some magic words; in the dining room an astral projection appeared before Thor who was still dining animatedly. “Thor! Bring Bruce, she needs help. Hurry!”

Thor sprang out of the diner room, more than Loki´s words the anguished reflected both in his voice and his face conveyed the urgency of his plea.

In less than three minutes Thor, Bruce and tony busted into Loki´s and Leah´s room.

“Loki!” Thor shouted.

“Over here!” Loki replied, he had never felt more useless; when he returned to his body he had come back to a heart-breaking scene. Leah had curled in the floor, he could see her shaking as she kept crying her heart out.

“Shit!” Tony exclaimed, he had never seen her in such a bad state before, none of them had.

“Leah?” Bruce knelt by her side, she was having an anxiety attack, a very bad one. “Leah, you need help” He slowly told her, if she didn´t collaborated with him he might have to sedate her. “I need to touch you, is that ok?”

Leah agreed with a whimper.

Bruce carefully brushed the hair out of her face before softly pulling her up, he could feel her shaking badly. He could hear her starting to gasp for air; he held Leah´s face between his hands and looked right into her eyes, she was beyond panic; he needed to pull her back. “Leah, you are having a panic attack, remember what I told you? I need you to help me, try taking deep breaths.”

“A panic what?” Loki inquired apprehensive.

“Tony, could you explain him? I need to concentrate here.” Bruce answered quickly.

“But …” Loki wanted to ask a million questions; starting with why he wasn´t giving her any medicine.

Leah kept becoming distracted every time Loki spoke taking her eyes from Bruce as her breathing kept becoming shallower.

“And take him out of here! We need her to calm down.” Bruce spat annoyed by the interruptions. “Leah, come on focus, you can do it! I don’t want to sedate you, but you need to calm down.”

“Come Loki, let the Doctor do his job, she will be all right.” Tony volunteered while leading Loki out of the bathroom followed by Thor.

As they both explained Loki what was a panic attack, the causes, the symptoms and the basic of what to do and what not to Loki sat heavily in the bed. If only he had knew all that moments before, he had told her all the wrong things. How was he supposed to know that telling Leah everything was all right would push her over the edge?

“What happened?” Thor inquired.

As Loki recounted them what had happened Tony snapped furiously. “You just had to drop that bomb on her right now, didn´t you? She was barely holding herself together. Now look what you have done!”

“It wasn´t my intention! I didn´t knew this was going to happen!” Loki defended himself.

Thor had to intervene pulling them apart. “Stop that this instant! You fighting each other won´t help her!”

“He started it!” Tony spat still enraged. “Why couldn´t you just wait?”

“Because I didn´t knew if Fury´s offer would expire, I had to find out what he wanted. She can´t live as a prisoner for the rest of her life; always looking over her shoulder. She doesn´t think I’ve noticed, but I see it every day, at first it was little things, unharmful comments but now she´s giving up.” His voice broke at that point.

Tony looked up at him concerned “What do you mean she´s giving up?”

“I told her some days ago she was an arrogant child who didn´t knew her place; when I came back tonight I tried to apologize and she said that I shouldn´t apologize because I was right. She would never taken that kind of crap from me before, she would´ve never let me see the end of it, and she just took it, that´s something she wouldn´t do … I´m losing her. Thor I can´t lose her.” He turned to Thor anguished. “She doesn´t even know how much I need her, I really can´t lose her.” He looked at the verge of tears.

“I know.” A small voice answered his desperate claim.

They turned around to see Bruce helping Leah to the bed, he had finally managed to calm her down.

“Leah, are you all right?” Loki hurried to her.

“I´m sorry.” She answered. “I´m not” She sighed. “I can´t stop it.”

“Yes, you can.” Bruce intervened. “You just need some help, and for the moment I think you need some rest. Loki could I talk to you for a moment? Tony, Thor; could you keep Leah accompanied for a moment?”

“Sure.” Tony answered as he approached Leah and help her sat on the bed. “Come on love, let´s get you comfy, all right?”

“Ok.” Leah agreed weakly, she felt totally drained.

As Bruce and Loki walked out of the room the dark haired god turned and asked. “Is she going to be all right?”

“I hope so Loki, the mind is a complicated thing, but if you add your upcoming departure to what happened with Doom and the fact that she´s barely given birth a week ago …”

“I know, it´s too much; maybe I should´ve waited.” Loki admonished himself mentally, why had he been in such a hurry?

“I don´t know if that would´ve made a difference. If it gives you any comfort I think that you were right to go to Fury, she can´t keep being locked up neither here nor in the Tower whether she realizes it or not it´s not good for her. But I´m afraid she´s going to need your help to get through this. A moment ago I had to threaten her with sedation if she couldn´t calm herself down, do you know what she said?”

Loki nodded negatively.

“She begged me not to do it because she feared you would be gone by the time she woke up.” Bruce regretfully told him. “She´s terrified about the fact you might leave and not return; and I really can´t blame her, unintentionally we´ve all reinforced the idea that neither her nor Eerika would be safe outside. She wouldn´t be able to follow you out of fear of endangering your daughter, in her own mind she is already trapped here, that´s why it´s so easy for her to accept remaining here.”

“What do I do? I just want her to get better.” Loki asked anxiously.

“I´m not even sure Loki, psychiatry isn´t really my area. She needs therapy but unfortunately I´m afraid we can´t provide it, at least not like she needs it right now. Unless …” Bruce stopped while considering his next words.

“Unless what?” Loki pressed for an answer.

“Unless you are willing to ask Fury to lend us a therapist” As he looked the surprise in Loki´s face he added. “I know, we wouldn´t be sure if we could trust him or her and there´s no guarantee Leah would accept anyway. Maybe we should try to sort this out by ourselves.” Loki had remained pensive considering their options, none of them appeared particularly helpful or hopeful. “Either way” Bruce continued. “You´re going to need to be very patient with her; even with her healing factor it might take her a day to get back to … let´s say normal. It´s not unusual that after a panic attack as bad as the one she just had that there´s some physical consequences; she might feel weak, tired, lightheaded but I´m more worried about her getting depressed. If she gets any worse I´ll have to medicate her.”

“Why not do it know?” Loki inquired, wouldn´t it be simpler?

“Two reasons, the first is that the solution may be as bad as the attacks itself because of the side-effects but most importantly is that if I gave her something she wouldn´t be able to breastfeed Eerika. And Loki, she needs that connection if we take that away from her we might be pushing her over the edge.” Bruce explained.

“This is all my fault; if I hadn´t saved her that day.” Loki felt overwhelmed, he had only brought trouble to her life.

“She would be dead Loki.” Bruce reminded him. “I know that if you could somehow spare her from suffering you would, we all would in a heartbeat. But sometimes life isn´t fair and we just need to accept it, make our peace with it and move on. She needs you to be strong for her; remind her why she needs to get better.”

“Will you take care of her when I leave?” Loki asked, fear was written in his eyes, fear of losing her.

“We all will.” Bruce reassured him. “Just make sure to return in one peace. And afterwards if everything is all right you might want to consider taking her away on vacations. I´m sure Tony has a dessert island on his name somewhere.”

“I wouldn´t doubt it.” Loki answered with a small smile.

“Me neither.” Bruce smiled back. “Stop looking so serious, if she sees you that worried she´ll get even more scared.”

“I´ll do my best.” Loki grimaced, it wouldn´t be easy.

When they walked back they noticed Leah had fallen asleep over Tony´s lap who absentmindedly stroked her hair gently. Thor was sitting beside them looking worryingly at Leah.

“Ahem!” Loki cleared his throat trying to get their attention, they had all got very cozy on their bed.

Tony looked up to see Loki´s confused glare and told him amused. “Sorry Loki, I´m just keeping your place warm. She just fall asleep.”

“It´s all right, I know you care for her.” Loki acknowledged before adding. “But if you don´t mind I´m quite tired myself” He wasn´t but he longed to be alone with her.

“Of course.” Thor agreed as he got up followed by Tony who gently placed Leah´s head over a pillow.

“You´d better take care of her.” Tony told Loki with in a stern tone.

“I will, I promise.” Loki answered with an equal stern look.

As soon as they left he slid in bed next to her; after making sure he wouldn´t wake her up he embraced her making sure to rest her head against his chest, she had once told him that his heartbeat was the most comforting sound she had ever heard. Bruce suggestion lingered in his mind as he dreamt of white sandy beaches.

“What do you know about Narobia?” Fury asked Loki as he settled in his chair.

“Not much, only that it neighbors’ Wakanda and it was ruled by Princess Xanda until General Cayman Okanjo overthrone her a couple of years ago, why?” Loki answered intrigued by fury´s question.

“Because that´s the reason I need you and the black operation team. When General Cayman took over he financed mining operations all over the country and found a rich vibranium deposit; that´s when he draw our attention.” Fury told him in a stern voice.

“All right.” Loki acknowledged.

“Okanjo sold us vibranium but unfortunately we weren´t their only party interested. It bothers me to admit they had fools us for a long time, it was just dumb luck that we found out a couple of months ago that he had allied with Hydra. Needless to say that Hydra provided Okanjo with all sorts of technologies, he went from being just another dictator to a serious menace. We are talking about state of the art weaponry, biological weapons, chemical weapons, mind control, and even a super soldier program. Their plan is to first invade Wakanda which will allow them to take a hold of the entire region expanding their power through the continent and eventually to the rest of the world.”

“It sounds like a job for the Avengers, why haven´t you assigned them this mission?” Loki inquired, there had to be more going on that what Fury had told him so far.

“Because it´s not a wreck their plans and bring them to justice kind of mission” Fury leaned over his desk before adding. “It´s strictly a cleaning operation.”

“No witnesses, no prisoners.” Loki frowned as he realized exactly what Fury was asking. “May I ask why?”

“That´s where things get complicated.” Fury volunteered. “When we bought their vibranium we unwillingly founded their operations. The World Security Council can never find out about this; they would try to shut us down and that includes everything SHIELD has ever had his hands on.”

“The Avengers.” Loki said with a frown.

“They have never liked us and they especially fear the Avengers; they only need an excuse to try to shut us down and I don´t intent on giving it to them.” Fury added decisively.

“I can´t believe you wanted Leah involved in this, do you realize she doesn´t have the training for this kind of mission?” Loki spat annoyed.

“Do you have a better solution? I can´t use regular agents because of Okango´s super soldiers, and I can´t call the Avengers due to the nature of the mission. So, who´s left? I had to come up with a new team, a super powered team to be exact, preferably someone unknown so if something went wrong they couldn´t be tied back to SHIELD. I don´t exactly have people lining up for this kind of job; ever since we found about Okanjo´s true intentions we´ve been searching but until now we have only found two viable candidates besides Leah and yourself.” Loki could hear the tension on Fury´s voice.

“And let me guess, they don´t have the required training.” Loki claimed with a grim look on his face, this business was going from bad to worst.

“We´ve been training them for a couple of months now.” Fury offered.

“But they are no near ready.” Loki knew a mission like the one Fury suggested needed people with years of experience especially if he wanted to walk out of there alive. “If I´m going to lead this team I´m not taking any rookies with me; they are the best chance of everything going wrong. Can´t you ask for Wakanda´s help? After all we are trying to prevent them from being invaded.”

Fury looked at Loki displeased “If I could just enroll Wakanda´s help, don´t you think I´d already done it?

“What about mercs?” Loki suggested, he felt they were running out of options.

“Do you know any mercs with that kind the kind of powers we need?” Fury asked Loki very interested on his reply.

“Not mercs exactly, but yes I think they could be just what we need.” Loki volunteered as he rubbed his chin pensively before answering Fury. “The Sinister Six.”

Fury pondered for a moment Loki’s suggestion. “I agree they are powerful, but do you really think we can recruit them for this mission?”

“If you can come up with enough money, I’m sure they will agree. Besides they already know how to work as a team, it will save us a lot of time and for what you have told me I have the distinct impression that´s the one thing we are running of.”

“Yes, we are. We don´t know the exact date but our reports indicate us that Okanjo´s forces are rallying on.” Fury agreed.

“Other advantage is that none of them would have any moral issues about the mission’s objective.” Loki added, although he wasn’t confident that that last statement applied to him anymore.

“All right, it might not be what I had in mind but I think it could work. But I have two additions to your team and they are not negotiable.” Fury informed him in a very serious tone.

“Who?” Loki asked annoyed.

“Doom and myself.” Fury plainly told him.

“Are you out of your fucking mind? I´m not working with Doom! He tried to kill Leah!” Loki stood up enraged. “I won´t do it.”

“I already told you it´s not negotiable.” Fury stood up too. “If you want me to drop the charges against Leah you will do as I say. I don´t care if you like it. He´s almost as good as strategist as you are, not to mention a powerful mage. We need all the help we can fucking get!”

Loki paced for a moment considering his options. “All right” He finally growled. “But I have some conditions on my own and they are not negotiable either.”

“What do you want?” Fury asked with a winning smug on his face.

“This will be the only mission I´ll do for you, if you ever need my help again you´d better call the Avengers. You will not only drop the charges against Leah, you will remove her and Eerika from any damn mission you can come up with in the future, I don´t care if the world is ending; you will leave them both out of it.”

“Eerika?” Fury asked raising his eyebrows.

“My daughter.” Loki dryly replied. “Furthermore if they ever need protection you´d better provide it, it doesn´t matter if it´s for something as trivial as a walk in the park or for a full-fledge invasion. You will protect them at all costs.”

“I think I can manage that.” Fury agreed. “Anything else?”

“If Doom double cross us I will kill him.” Loki added.

“If he betrays us you´ll have to beat me to it.” Fury offered.

“As long as he´s death I think I can live with that.” Loki agreed. “I know I´m going to regret asking this, but how did you managed to enroll him on this mission?”

“By telling him that someone else was going to beat him at the conquer Earth game; the arrogant bastard doesn´t like competition.” Fury answered with an ironic smile.

“No, he doesn´t.” Loki admitted.

“How long will it take you to gather your team?” Fury asked

“I don´t know their current whereabouts.” Loki answered, he had been off the game for a while now.

“I might be able to help you with that.” Fury told him. “You´ll have their current locations by tomorrow.”

“All right, since you can´t sent the information to Jarvis I´ll drop by tomorrow evening.” Loki informed him.

“What are you going to tell the Avengers?” Fury asked anxiously.

“That you want me to do an undercover mission in exchange for Leah´s freedom.” Loki answered. “That will keep them from trying to join in.”

“Well thought.” Fury nodded in agreement.

“You can save your compliments; it´s not like you gave me much choice. And I hate to admit it but you are right about one thing Okanjo needs to be stopped before he tries to invade Wakanda, if he succeeded on it he might become unstoppable.” Loki grimly added while he kept thinking about how to break the news to Leah, she was right about one thing, it was a very dangerous affair.

It had taken a while but by the end of the week all the Avengers were at Loki´s mansion, they were all eager to see Leah and Eerika. Bruce had taken a portable lab to make sure both of them were all right. Tony was setting up the mansion´s communication center so they would have an open untraceable line between the mansion and the Avenger´s Tower. The kitchen was now insufficient to host everyone there so they had to move to the main dinner room which became boisterous. Eerika was already a week old a good enough reason to celebrate, or at least it seemed that way.

Loki had been evading the subject of Fury´s proposal all together in front of Leah, but he hadn’t forgotten about it; he and Thor had been talking a lot since the bold god had arrived to the Mansion. After much debating Loki had decided he should at least find out what Fury wanted; if it was something either he or Leah would be willing to give he much rather have SHIELD covering their back than after them. Leah sensed he was up to something but decided to refrain from mentioning after their second fight over the subject. Neither of them would give in into the other´s plan. Loki´s complaint about her offering herself to Doom had finally taken its toll on that second argument.

“So it´s all right for you to willing fully surrender yourself to Doom but I can´t even talk to Fury. I am the one that´s supposed to protect you … you arrogant mortal child. Not the other way around! You should know your place by now!” Loki regretted his words instantly, he hadn´t meant to put her down; he just wanted her to allow him to protect her from any more battles. He was the more experienced one, he should be the one fighting their battles, not her. But even so he made no effort to apologize.

Leah just stared at him both hurt and angry before spatting furiously. “So I am beneath you.”

“When it comes to battles, yes.” Loki claimed holding her stare.

Leah knew he was right, if it came to fighting experience he was several hundred years in front of her but that didn´t meant he should dismiss her so easily. “Then I´ll just have to catch up with you.” She informed him angrily as she walked out of their room.

Later that day she had asked Clint to start training her again; this time for real. She was so pissed-off at Loki´s demeaning statement Clint had to ask Steve for his help; she needed someone who could spar with her at the same level.

During lunch an unintended comment from Leah unleashed their quarrel. “Yes, it´s too bad grandparents enjoy their grandchildren even more than their own child.” She had been thinking of her own parents, both of them had died in the crash, they would´ve loved meeting Eerika, she was sure of it. Loki would be very difficult to explain … but Eerika, they would’ve loved her open hearted.

She had barely ended her sentence when Loki spat enraged as he stood up. “That´s it! I´m done with you telling me what to do. We are not going to Asgard! And I´m going to talk to Fury regardless of your opinion.”

Luckily Eerika had been in Bruce´s arms the instant everything went wrong. Leah´s face grew red both with embarrassment and anger, he had never talked to her like that in public before. “Fine!” She yelled as she stood up rivaling Loki´s fury. “Do as you want, see if I care.” Next she stormed out of the dinner room.

“Fine, I will!” Loki yelled back as he stormed out on the opposite direction.

“Wait! Loki! Leah!” Steve called them back without any luck. “Dammit!” He stood up a at the same time Thor did.

“I´ll go for Loki.” Thor volunteered.

“I´ll go for Leah then.” Steve agreed then turned to ask. “Bruce …?”

“We´ll be all right, go.” Bruce answered.

After they both left Bruce let out a sigh, he look at Eerika who had started crying when all the shouting began. “Shh, little one, it´s ok. They will be all right, everything will be all right … in time.”

“You really think that Bruce?” Natasha asked worryingly.

“I hope so Nat. I hate to admit it but I think Loki is right, he should at least talk to Fury to find out what he wants. Leah had been cut out from … well, you know real life for seven months now, it´s starting to show whether she realizes it or not. Being locked in her isn´t good for her.”

“And I hope that once this nasty business is settled they still have a relationship to work on.” Clint told them concerned by the last turn of the events.

“Don´t say that Clint! After all that has happened do you think they would really break up?” Natasha asked in a worried tone.

“I don´t know.” Clint answered shrugging his shoulders. “Some things are harder to take back than others.”

“Don´t jinx them Clint, you are going to scare Eerika.” Tony said taking another sip from his glass, he was worried too even if he didn´t wanted to admit it.

“Leah? Are you all right?” Steve asked her as he found Leah in the interior garden, she seemed to be spending more time there as her relationship with Loki became increasingly difficult. She was sitting down resting her back on a tree with her head tilted up and her eyes closed. “Yes and no.” Was her answer; she opened her eyes to look at Steve. “I didn´t meant anything by it, you know? I was thinking of my own parents, not his. He didn’t had to yell at me like that.” Her voice sounded as sad as her eyes conveyed.

“Things hasn´t been all right between the two of you, am I right?” Steve asked her siting down by her side.

“He hardly talks to me anymore.” Leah confessed. “Would you please leave me alone Steve?”

“Why?” Steve asked her, she did seem like she needed to talk.

“Because I don´t want you to see me cry.” Leah answered fighting back her tears.

“Since when?” Steve asked her sympathetically.

“Since you all think I´m going to break down at the first sign of trouble.” Leah answered biting her lower lip, a single tear over flooded her eyes and ran down her cheek; she dried it out immediately.

“We are just worried about you, so is Loki that´s why he´s so angry at you.” Steve tried to explain her. “Try to understand, he just wants you to be all right.”

“I would be all right if he remained safe.” Leah spat as she buried her head between her arms that laid over her knees.

“Leah, we are taking about Loki, he´s one of the most powerful persons I know, you should really stop worrying.” Steve admonished her.

“I know, but my brain simply refuses to stop worrying Steve. I just managed to stop dwelling about the past and now I´m stuck worrying about the future. Why can´t he just let it go? I could accept living here if he just stayed with me.” Leah confessed, she started to feel like she was losing her mind.

“Leah, you can´t live here for the rest of your life, it´s not good for you. And Loki knows it.” Steve told her.

“Why not?” She asked in a half tone, she couldn´t hold her tears back any more.

Steve hugged her trying to provide some comfort. “Because you need to go out, to be around people, take walks in the park with Loki and Eerika, maybe even go to the beach, go to the movies, I don’t know all the things normal people take for granted. You did nothing wrong, you shouldn´t have to lose everything. Loki just wants you to have all that and more.”

“And I just want them to be alive and safe.” Leah volunteered in a whining tone.

“Leah, I´m telling you; Loki is a very intelligent and experienced warrior, you don´t have to worry like that for him, he has his magic back and he has two powerful reasons to vanquish any obstacle that may come up.” Steve kept trying to put her fears at ease.

“I don´t know … maybe one. I really don´t think he likes me that much anymore. Leah told Steve between sniffling’s. “And I really don´t blame him.”

“Leah, it can´t possibly be that bad.” Steve comforted her. “Every relationship has its ups and downs. It´s just a rough patch, you will put this behind you soon.”

“I hope so.” Leah answered drying her tears. “He´s gone right? He went to talk to Fury.”

“Maybe, he seemed decided. But don´t worry Thor went after him; he´l make sure he comes back to you.”

“What if he doesn´t? What if that argument were the last words we spoke to each other?” Leah sounded anguished, her imagination kept portraying the worst conceivable scenarios.

“I´m sure they won’t be; either way try to make peace with him when he gets back.” Steve suggested. “Do you know the old saying never go to sleep …“

“Angry.” Leah ended his phrase-

“Exactly!” Steve agreed cheerfully. “It might be an old advice but it´s a good one.”

“I´m sure is.” Leah acknowledged. “He accused me of being a … foolish child, maybe he was right. “ Leah didn´t felt like repeating Loki exact words.

“You maybe a child compared to him. Hey! Even I’m a child by Asgardian standards. But that doesn´t mean we are either childish or foolish. We just feel things differently, our lifespan is so short compared to theirs that I think we should hold each moment precious and not squander them. You know stop worrying about tomorrow and living in the here and now sort of deal, you´ll never know when your world is going to change.”

“That´s deep.” Leah exclaimed surprised at the sudden turn of their conversation, if only she could stop worrying about the future, if only she could find the switch on her head to make her stop.

“And true.” Steve added.

Even if she understood and agreed with Steve about everything; she couldn´t help feeling anxious but decided not to mention it to any of them. I can manage this by myself she thought, right?

“Loki! Loki! Wait!” Thor had to run to caught up with him, he was marching in a hurry to his study.

“If you came to stop me you are out of luck!” Loki swiftly told him without stopping. “I´m talking to Fury today and that´s that.”

“I´m not here to stop you Loki, you know I agree with you. You should find out what Fury wants.” Thor volunteered “Though you shouldn´t had been so hard on Leah earlier; I´m sure her comment wasn´t supposed to mean anything.”

“I wouldn´t know; we hardly have spoken to each other the last couple of days.” It seemed longer he thought, how things had gotten so bad between them so fast?

Thor sighed, it was no secret they were having troubles but he had hoped they wouldn´t be so bad.

“Loki … the day we fought on Central Park. The day you told me about your feelings for her …”

“I remember.” Loki dryly told him.

“I never told you something that happened earlier that day. I was looking for Leah, she had missed breakfast and I was worried. I finally found her on the rooftop I could tell she had been crying; I offered to take her to Asgard again, to acknowledge her child as my own … she refused, we argued. Angered for her negative I asked her what was what she wanted. I can´t have what I want, that´s what she told me. I couldn´t accept that as an answer so I forced her to tell me what it was.”

Loki was listening attentively to his brother´s recollection puzzled by the relevance of his story.

“Between tears she confessed; I believe for the first time she realized that what she really wanted was you Loki. She wanted you even when she thought you were lost for her, even when she had no hope of ever seeing you again. Never form that moment on has she done or said something that has lead me to believe she has changed her mind about that. She´s just too scared Loki.”

“Scared of what Thor?” Loki answered annoyed. “She treats me as if I was useless, she would had let Doom rape her just to keep me safe. I just can´t allow her to keep doing that sort of thing, she undermines me.

“For being the smart one you are very dumb brother.” Thor told him with sympathy. “She´s scared out of her mind of losing you again, she would do anything to prevent that from happening. Love makes us do foolish things, do you really need any more prove of how much she loves you? She´s not trying to undermine you; she´s just too scared of the thought of living without you.”

Loki´s face frowned; had they been entangled on a grim contest about who would yield more for the other? Because the answer seemed clear enough, they would both forfeit their lives for the other. Why had they been fighting for?

“I called her an arrogant child who didn´t knew her place.” Loki confessed ashamed.

Thor looked at him surprised. “No wonder she is mad at you. You know you ow her an apology?”

“I don´t know.” Loki answered unsure, he did knew but he wasn´t willing to apologize just yet.

“Loki!” Thor scolded him.

“Dammit Thor! You are worse than mother … I´ll apologize when and if I want to.” Loki replied angered.

“Just don´t wait until you lose her to do so.” Thor replied annoyed by Loki´s childish reply.

“I thought you said …” Loki started to answered hurt by Thor´s statement.

“Loki, even the most fierce and strongest maidens have fragile hearts; if you are not careful you are going to break hers.” Thor answered patiently, that she loved him didn´t meant she couldn´t just stop.

“I …” Loki kept pensive for a moment, he had never intended to hurt her even less to do something that would tear them apart. “I probably should apologize when we return.”

“We?” Thor asked surprised.

“Of course, you didn´t thought I was going to talk to Fury by myself, did you? That … would be foolish.” Loki replied with a smirk on his face.

“You always knew I was going to follow you.” Thor reasoned laughing.

“Well, you are very predictable brother, shall we go? I want to come back as soon as we can.”

It didn´t took them long to arrive to the hellicarrier after they made a quick stop at the Avenger´s Tower to ask to Jarvis the current coordinates for the vessel.

“You took your time.” Was Fury´s words when he saw Loki.

“I´ve been occupied.” Loki replied dryly. “What do you want?”

“I think we should discuss this privately.” Furt suggested.

“Why would I want to do that?” Loki spat crossed.

“Because IU won´t tell you otherwise.” Fury replied calmly. “I understand you don’t truth me, but I´ll assure you if you agree to give me what I want I´ll make sure no one tries to take Leah from your side ever again.”

“I can do that by myself.” Loki replied vexed.

“But you must want something, otherwise you wouldn´t had come. Thor can wait in the control room. I´m sure he would tear the hellicarrier apart if we held you against your will.”

“You can be sure of that.” Thor agreed tapping Mjolnir with his hand.

“All right, Thor, would you wait for me in the control room? If I´m not back in an hour you know what to do.” Loki told Thor without losing Fury from his sight.

“I do brother.” Thor agreed as he walked out.

“As we are in a tight schedule let´s get to the point.” Fury told him. “How´s Leah?”

“Still recuperating.” Loki replied defensively. “What do you want?”

Fury looked upset, he had hoped at first for her to be in top condition after a couple of days, that until he had interrogated Doom. He know knew they should´ve intervened the moment they arrived; he hadn´t thought Doom´s twisted logic would make him interested in Leah in a more carnal fashion.

“Doom thinks she´s dead. And we allow him to keep thinking that. He won´t go after her again.” He reassured Loki.

“Why would you do that?” Loki asked intrigued by Fury´s apparent sudden interest on Leah´s welfare.

“I needed her and you to lead a black operations team; I didn´t counted on Doom … messing her up.” He confessed. “But I still need you both on the team. How long do you think it will take her to get back to her feet?”

“She´s not going to fight for you! I won´t allow it.” Loki answered enraged.

“Then everything is lost … it was a slim chance anyway.” Fury sighed disappointed.

“What do you mean by that? What´s so important you would dare ask me to let her fight again after Doom nearly killed her? And whyt do you need my help? Why don´t you just cal the Avengers?” He asked bewildered, Fury´s last statement worried him.

“I can´t ask them.” Fury replied disturbed. “They wouldn´t accept the mission anyway and if they did it would only destroy them. We need them, so I won’t.”

“And you want me to accept this mission and bring Leah with me, are you out of your mind?” Loki felt even more puzzled, what could be the situation that called for such uncommon procedures.

“If you let me talk to her I´m sure she would accept.” Fury volunteered.

“You don´t even know her!” Loki spat annoyed by his assumption.

“Maybe not personally, but all I needed to know I learnt from her fight with Doom. You might chose to ignore it but she reminds me of your friend Sif; and even of Steve himself. She won´t stop fighting no matter what if she thinks it´s worth it even at great personal cost. That would make her invaluable in this mission, and of course having super soldier strength and reflexes isn’t just a bonus.” Fury explained calmly.

“Even if I agreed with you, what makes you think she would agree to participate on your mission?” Loki asked intrigued.

“The greater good,” Was Fury´s enigmatic reply. “Besides, now that she´s a mother I´m quite sure she would like to keep this world safe for her child.”

That´s a cheap low blow, Loki thought but an effective one anyway. Playing with new parents emotions like that, whatever was happening certainly had Fury on edge.

“I don´t care how valuable or indispensable you think she is for this mission; I won´t take her with me.” Loki replied, he couldn´t deny Fury had stroke a nerve, keeping the world safe for his family was amongst his top priorities, that was one of the reasons why he had chosen to join the Avengers.

“So, you are joining this mission?” Fury asked pleasantly surprised. For a moment he had thought Loki wouldn´t agree to be involved.

“Don´t look so surprised, haven´t you just said so? There´s not much a father wouldn´t do to keep his child safe and for the moment Earth is our home. Now, will you just tell me what is this mission you claimed to be of the utmost importance?” Loki asked as he sat in front of Fury.

“Before I tell you, I need you to understand that you can´t talk about it to no one, only a handful of people know about his and I intend to keep it that way.” Fury told him with a very serius tone while leaning over his desk.

“All right, I understand. Will you tell me in what kind of mess I got myself into?” Loki agreed annoyed.n